Progress

Well, it was about time that I broke the daily streak!
I have learned that at this point I am not quite capable of keeping up with a diary, journal, or, as I like to say, a daily.  It is a difficult task that I have attempted many times.  There are so many half filled or even less than quarter filled notebooks with these attempts.

Anyways, I am really excited about the Houston Serenade Project I'm working on at the moment.  We had our first rehearsal last night and it was highly successful.  Most everybody minus one showed up, and we all had fun.  It was great to work with everybody as comfortable musicians because it shows me what passion I have for the art.  I don't question it often, but when in a poisonous environment, one must find a remedy, which may be very far outside the environment.
I am also excited because I am learning more about what I am capable at on the bassoon, despite not being in the best situation for my growth.  I can do what I want to do, and I do not need to be a big wig to take on a difficult task.

Reeds

Well, the time has finally come when I am really happy with my reeds.  They have fought me for the past semester about working for me.  I hate looking at my reed box because I see twelve different personalities staring right back at me.  I know that it's not as bad as dealing with pianos and such, but I still don't like learning and courting them around, especially since they will only be with me for the next two weeks or so...

Friends

Today was truly an experience.  I gathered that as long as the house didn't burn down, I'd be fine cooking a new dish one of my friends had taught me to make.  Butter chicken was a tough dish for my inexperienced mind, but it went through and the product was very tasty.  True friends are the ones I can turn to when I am feeling upset or alone.  They are the ones who are always helping out, even when they least expect it.  They help me as I grapple with wanting the idea of a man and not whom he truly is...

Men?

Gasp! I'm gay.
These past six months have proven to me what the Houston gay community is truly like: there are very few diamonds among a vast desert of mischief and mayhem.  Perhaps I am just an oddball, but I do not like this community much at all...I have been called so many negative things and I have been hurt physically and emotionally.
Aside from that, I have also learned to look at things past what they may seem.  For four months I was convinced that one man was going to be my knight in shining armor, mi príncipe azul, but I was proven wrong.  At first, I was stubborn enough to think that a ling distance relationship was even going to work.  Then I was even worse off considering a man on Grindr to be anything but a flake.  And then I was dumb enough to see him after a very long period of inactivity in communication.  But, there I was, buying everything he said, and when he left Houston once again I was ignored heavily.  He seemed so perfect.  The sweetest personality on the surface.  A very intelligent individual.  The finest looking specimen I had ever seen.  Just what I thought I'd been waiting for.  Alas, I was finally thrown for a loop when it turned out he wasn't really into me.  It was even worse that I was patiently awaiting his reply, as if he were actually thinking about me.  I have yet to hear from him, but whatever.
That is my new mantra, motto, theme:
WHATEVER!
I have learned not to let anything in life get me down.  I have learned to look at what not to do.  I have learned to enjoy the moments I think are not worthy of being enjoyed.  And I have learned that truth lies right in front of me, whether I like it or not.

First Naan of the Year

It has been too long! Ever since I've lived in Houston I have not baked.  I finally baked naan today and it was quite relieving.  Even though the product wasn't quite what I wanted, I learned more about myself.  Life presents many gifts, and when we as humans take them, they will never leave us.  If we use those gifts, they only get better.

My Life, My Reeds

Yes.  These pictures are just living proof of my time taking work.  I slave over these and they don't seem to appreciate what I do for them. I am their creator, but they are always in defiance of my will.  Oh well.  At least I have made significant progress since my first reeds.  Now it is time to get back to work, for they don't care about me one bit!

The Golden Rule

I don't care about how much my theology may change in my lifetime, for the one thing that I shall forever hold dear is that I wish to always treat my neighbors as I would like them to treat me.  I don't know when I may let that get the best of me, but I try to live it the best I can.  I always want to be treated with dignity and respect and love and friendliness, and many times I feel like I let people trample me just for its own sake.  I know that I have been very selfish growing up to the point where now I feel completely guilty when I have something for myself.  I am deeply indebted in utter gratitude to everybody in my life.  I wish to always give them what they deserve and I hope that they don't take it as a request on my behalf for another of their services.  Today, though, I am at a point where I have let somebody crush me, and I let him have that same control still just because I am treating him with the exact same respect with which I have always treated him.  I am mentally exhausted, for I have been walking over eggshells, but that is what anybody gets from me.  I let myself cope with my feelings in private whilst others may take advantage of what I attempt to give as a result of my continued belief in the universal golden rule.

My Quest

Well, this is not necessarily the beginning, but I have been on a spiritual quest for over a year and it has included so far in depth research into the Bible and a start on other world religions.  I am a firm believer in Jesus as my savior, but I would love to see what else is out there and how others may perceive God.  I may not agree with each philosophy, but I will appreciate people more and appreciate my God more by learning more about Him and investigating His presence in my life in different views.  I will start tonight by reading Karen Armstrong's History of God.  I have read her history on the Bible and enjoyed it thoroughly because of her presentation of facts first before gathering them loosely into an argument for equality and love.  I hope to learn more about God by means of this book.
Happy Reading!

A Beginning

Hello!
Though I have been on the social media for at least three years, I have yet to have a blog.  The whole point here is just to document my life in a manner that I find a little bit easier than to keep a journal.  I shall post about the many different facets of my life, and each will define me in a new way.  I am 19 and I am learning more and more each and every day.  I may write some poetry or stories to keep special company on my blog.  I shall attempt to maintain a relevant video blog as well in my very old YouTube channel.
Perhaps some startling revelation will be made, but I know that I shall interpret my life through the many events and obstacles it places in my way.

Happy Reading!