Food Poisoning

It feels so wonderful to have been able to go to the gym for the first time after having an upset stomach from food poisoning.

Some things, however grim they may seem, are gifts from God.  This illness was a gift from God in that I was forced to think about who I am as a person and what I let take over my life.  It is one thing to just sit at the reed desk, frustrated with any impending task of performing for an audience of laypeople and professionals, but another to be at the mercy of your immune system, the pharmacy (who's only ever been bad news to you), and God's grace while cringing on a flat futon and the sun stabbing at your eyes retracting your mind into your past and present in order to draw meaning to what had been going well and what hadn't.

I have been swamped down with school while enjoying it, but I've also let poison flow through my mind and begin its own bout of meningitis while I just sat there crying but staring right at the antibacterial.

This reminds me of having a cash box during a 100+° F day at a garage sale and one of my friends shutting it on herself and allowing it to keep on pinching her while she had the power to just lift it off.

I like to make things difficult, but when everything is made difficult for me, I learn that it is time to take a step back, and tome to lift the cover off my pinched skin.

I like 1 Corinthians 10:13 because it reminds me that God doesn't only give us gifts to enjoy the way we think we ought to enjoy things, but he gives us tests in order to strengthen us so that we can become more faithful in Him and more loving.

I hope to write again soon!

Turbulence

Today I have realized that I have officially approached the high waters that shall sweep me away into the world that many refer to as that of the professional.  One short year remains and I feel like I have been guided with a weight on my foot.  Once I throw off that weight I will be able to run freely and never worry about the harshness of fixed rules.  I shall learn of what the world really holds.
I am nervous, however, for the fact that I don't have much of a break until months after I graduate.  My career calls me after that graduation day and then probably another school will tie me down until I can regurgitate everything that they stuffed into my full and grossed out body.  That is all beside the point.  I am hoping that this voyage will prove to be very delightful and enjoyable, for what is life without dessert in between vegetables?

What's up?

I've been relaxing I finished co administering a concert series.  Now that it's over, I am overcoming a reed slump and a bulge of fat.  However, it turns out that I'd gotten used to being around so many people so frequently that I have resulted in feeling alone at the moment.  The worst part is that the one person who claims to be giving me so much attention is ignoring me.  I just love the lies people tell.  And I just love being ignored.  Well, I shouldn't rant for too long, for I have a very early morning tomorrow. 
Stay sane!

Carbs!!!!¡!

It has been a very long time since I've cut carbs this much, but my weight at the moment is ridiculous! I need to finish the journey that I started.  I need to win a prize on stage! It has been almost five years, and there is no turning back.  The sleepiness will not stop me.  Nothing will take my goal from my grasp.

Progress

Well, it was about time that I broke the daily streak!
I have learned that at this point I am not quite capable of keeping up with a diary, journal, or, as I like to say, a daily.  It is a difficult task that I have attempted many times.  There are so many half filled or even less than quarter filled notebooks with these attempts.

Anyways, I am really excited about the Houston Serenade Project I'm working on at the moment.  We had our first rehearsal last night and it was highly successful.  Most everybody minus one showed up, and we all had fun.  It was great to work with everybody as comfortable musicians because it shows me what passion I have for the art.  I don't question it often, but when in a poisonous environment, one must find a remedy, which may be very far outside the environment.
I am also excited because I am learning more about what I am capable at on the bassoon, despite not being in the best situation for my growth.  I can do what I want to do, and I do not need to be a big wig to take on a difficult task.

Reeds

Well, the time has finally come when I am really happy with my reeds.  They have fought me for the past semester about working for me.  I hate looking at my reed box because I see twelve different personalities staring right back at me.  I know that it's not as bad as dealing with pianos and such, but I still don't like learning and courting them around, especially since they will only be with me for the next two weeks or so...

Friends

Today was truly an experience.  I gathered that as long as the house didn't burn down, I'd be fine cooking a new dish one of my friends had taught me to make.  Butter chicken was a tough dish for my inexperienced mind, but it went through and the product was very tasty.  True friends are the ones I can turn to when I am feeling upset or alone.  They are the ones who are always helping out, even when they least expect it.  They help me as I grapple with wanting the idea of a man and not whom he truly is...

Men?

Gasp! I'm gay.
These past six months have proven to me what the Houston gay community is truly like: there are very few diamonds among a vast desert of mischief and mayhem.  Perhaps I am just an oddball, but I do not like this community much at all...I have been called so many negative things and I have been hurt physically and emotionally.
Aside from that, I have also learned to look at things past what they may seem.  For four months I was convinced that one man was going to be my knight in shining armor, mi príncipe azul, but I was proven wrong.  At first, I was stubborn enough to think that a ling distance relationship was even going to work.  Then I was even worse off considering a man on Grindr to be anything but a flake.  And then I was dumb enough to see him after a very long period of inactivity in communication.  But, there I was, buying everything he said, and when he left Houston once again I was ignored heavily.  He seemed so perfect.  The sweetest personality on the surface.  A very intelligent individual.  The finest looking specimen I had ever seen.  Just what I thought I'd been waiting for.  Alas, I was finally thrown for a loop when it turned out he wasn't really into me.  It was even worse that I was patiently awaiting his reply, as if he were actually thinking about me.  I have yet to hear from him, but whatever.
That is my new mantra, motto, theme:
WHATEVER!
I have learned not to let anything in life get me down.  I have learned to look at what not to do.  I have learned to enjoy the moments I think are not worthy of being enjoyed.  And I have learned that truth lies right in front of me, whether I like it or not.

First Naan of the Year

It has been too long! Ever since I've lived in Houston I have not baked.  I finally baked naan today and it was quite relieving.  Even though the product wasn't quite what I wanted, I learned more about myself.  Life presents many gifts, and when we as humans take them, they will never leave us.  If we use those gifts, they only get better.

My Life, My Reeds

Yes.  These pictures are just living proof of my time taking work.  I slave over these and they don't seem to appreciate what I do for them. I am their creator, but they are always in defiance of my will.  Oh well.  At least I have made significant progress since my first reeds.  Now it is time to get back to work, for they don't care about me one bit!

The Golden Rule

I don't care about how much my theology may change in my lifetime, for the one thing that I shall forever hold dear is that I wish to always treat my neighbors as I would like them to treat me.  I don't know when I may let that get the best of me, but I try to live it the best I can.  I always want to be treated with dignity and respect and love and friendliness, and many times I feel like I let people trample me just for its own sake.  I know that I have been very selfish growing up to the point where now I feel completely guilty when I have something for myself.  I am deeply indebted in utter gratitude to everybody in my life.  I wish to always give them what they deserve and I hope that they don't take it as a request on my behalf for another of their services.  Today, though, I am at a point where I have let somebody crush me, and I let him have that same control still just because I am treating him with the exact same respect with which I have always treated him.  I am mentally exhausted, for I have been walking over eggshells, but that is what anybody gets from me.  I let myself cope with my feelings in private whilst others may take advantage of what I attempt to give as a result of my continued belief in the universal golden rule.

My Quest

Well, this is not necessarily the beginning, but I have been on a spiritual quest for over a year and it has included so far in depth research into the Bible and a start on other world religions.  I am a firm believer in Jesus as my savior, but I would love to see what else is out there and how others may perceive God.  I may not agree with each philosophy, but I will appreciate people more and appreciate my God more by learning more about Him and investigating His presence in my life in different views.  I will start tonight by reading Karen Armstrong's History of God.  I have read her history on the Bible and enjoyed it thoroughly because of her presentation of facts first before gathering them loosely into an argument for equality and love.  I hope to learn more about God by means of this book.
Happy Reading!

A Beginning

Hello!
Though I have been on the social media for at least three years, I have yet to have a blog.  The whole point here is just to document my life in a manner that I find a little bit easier than to keep a journal.  I shall post about the many different facets of my life, and each will define me in a new way.  I am 19 and I am learning more and more each and every day.  I may write some poetry or stories to keep special company on my blog.  I shall attempt to maintain a relevant video blog as well in my very old YouTube channel.
Perhaps some startling revelation will be made, but I know that I shall interpret my life through the many events and obstacles it places in my way.

Happy Reading!